Post by zeus argyris marinos on Dec 14, 2014 13:46:35 GMT -5
ZEUS A. MARINOS
twenty six - musician - local - jaime preciado
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look mom, i don't blame you for leaving us all those years ago. how could i? i would have left if i could have. it's not exactly like living with father was easy, it was never easy, even before the abuse started. in case you were wondering, i do remember all the fights. i remember him screaming at you over things that shouldn't have mattered, saying things to you that a man should never say to his wife. i know it's stupid, but somehow i guess i blame myself, like maybe i could have stopped it or something. i don't know. i was fifteen when it started. I remember it clearly. Remembered thinking that maybe I could stop him. But whenever I tried, you pushed me away, put yourself between him and I. Athena was 7 then, you remember? You told me to watch her, told me to take care of her. I did.
You left a year after it started, but you didn't come back for us. I don't know why, I don't remember why. Mom, why did you leave us there? He would try to come after us too, but I would always take Athena with me. I could leave before things got violent. By the time I was eighteen, I was finally able to expose him for who he was. They let me take Athena. By then I was already starting to get famous for my music, overwhelmingly so. It wasn't long before I was recording my own music and doing tour around Europe. Athena would always come with me when I did my tours, she was doing online school. Mom, Athena is a genius. It was like there was never enough knowledge in her brain, like she thrived on it. She's beautiful, just like you. She's eighteen now, recently accepted into state of New York university on a full ride scholarship. It's amazing. We've finally settled down in New York. I hope you come to see us mom. We miss you.
I do anyways. I want you to meet her mom. I've tried so hard to make sure that she was safe from the world. I didn't want anyone to hurt her. I want to talk to you in person, there's so much more I could say to you. I love you mom. And I still don't blame you.
why? I literally don't know what else to say but ask why? Why did you yell at us? Why did you hurt mom? Why did you act like your entire family meant nothing to you? why didn't you fight me over athena? why did you just give up? i don't understand it and i don't understand you. you have an amazing family, or rather had i guess since i doubt any of us consider you family any more. i don't know if you care about how any of us are and if you do, you have a pretty funny way of showing it. i haven't talked to you since the day i took athena away. but you're alive, i guess, haven't drunk yourself into oblivion. yet anyway.
even if you don't care, i guess i should keep you posted anyway. i'm a pretty famous musician, in case you live under a rock and you haven't noticed. athena is a genius, she's been accepted into New York state university with a full ride scholarship. we moved to texas, so i guess there no chance in running into you, not that i'd want to run into you. athena may have been too young to remember the way you would abuse our mother, but not me. i remember how often i told you to stop, to leave her alone. only for you to turn around and narrow your eyes at me, telling me to leave or you'd come after me too. i'd always stay until mom told me to leave the room, pushing me away, telling me to take care of athena, please.
i listened to her, but i hated walking away. i hated leaving her in the room, knowing that you would hurt her once you got the chance, once i left. i would go to athena, turning on the tv, making it loud enough that we couldn't hear you yelling in the next room, or the sharp sound of a slap against our mother's cheek. i would talk to athena, distract her. and i would eventually take the place of not just her father, but her mother too. you are the reason our mother left all those years ago. you are the reason your daughter grew up without a mother. i hope your proud of yourself for that.
to this day i ask myself why i didn't report you, why i didn't tell anyone what you were doing... not just hurting our mother, but tearing apart our family too. there are nights where it keeps me awake. i can't claim to have understood my fifteen year old self. maybe i was hoping you'd stop. that, with enough time, you would stop and our family wouldn't have to fall apart. we could be together till the end of time. i don't know, i don't honestly remember. i want to say that i'm not still bitter, that i don't still hate you for what you've done. but i'd be a liar. to tell the truth, i hope you go rot in the pits of hades. it's what you deserve, what you've always deserved.
oh atty, you always hated being called athena. you weren't a goddess, you would say, so you shouldn't be called a goddess. and yet your namesake could possibly be more fitting. you were always much smarter then we gave you credit for. i'd always thought that you knew nothing about what happened with our parents. i never mentioned it, i always wanted you to have a positive view on the world, even though the world isn't a friendly place anymore. i'm sorry for that atty, i should have told you the truth. i was just scared, you know? you were so young, how could i ruin your faith in the world at such a young age. i didn't have the heart atty. it's too late to change the innocence of our past, we can't bring mom back and we can't make dad care, but i promise, things were always so bad before things happened.
dad used to be a nice guy. i know, it's hard to believe. but he wasn't always the scary person we make him out to be now. i have a picture of me when i was a baby, he's in the picture too. he's handing me a blue stuffed cat. you know the stuffed animal, the one i keep with me when i'm touring. i keep it to remind me that life isn't all bad, that if you look hard enough there is always a light at the end of each dark tunnel. i can also remember a time where mom looked up at him, her eyes full of love, before they kissed. he used to spoil me rotten, getting me everything i ever could have wanted. of course, back then, there was no you.. it was just the three of us. he loved that i loved music, by the time i turned nine and you were born, i was able to play guitar, piano, and the drum set perfectly. but then you came along and great grandma died. it's not your fault, i don't think your birth made him bad, i think it was loosing his grandma. it shattered the nice person in him, you know?
I don't know what you remember about mom, if you remember anything at all. and atty, i'm really just summarizing. i could go on and on for hours about mom and dad, show you the world i knew before things went bad. if we had stayed around, spent more time with mom's friends and family, you probably would have gotten tired of just how often they told you that you looked just like her. same dark brown wavy hair that could never be tamed, same blue green eyes that at times could be a perfect shade of green. i would have to agree. add ten years to you, and i'm sure anyone would have a hard time telling you two apart. mom was a painter. when she was decorating your room, she painted all of those flowers by hand, insisting that her little girl could only have the best of flowers. i wish i could have kept that picture, that part of mom. instead all i have is a small glass flower that she wore in her hair on the day she married dad. she probably wanted me to give it to you when you got married. it could be your something old i guess.
atty, i'm so proud of you and the woman you've become. mom would have been too. all the things you accomplished on the couch of that travel bus on tour with me. i'm sorry i took you away from the social aspect of high school, that was never my intention. i like to think that at the very least, you got to see the world when we were on tour. i like to think that you liked the days when it was just you and i exploring the world together, seeing the things most of your college classmates have probably only dreamed of going too. atty, if the world asks, i would tell them my greatest accomplishment was my ten number ones. but what would that mean to me in a year? ten years? no, little sis, raising you was my greatest accomplishment. and while i apologize that i never really told you about our parents, i don't feel bad about taking you away from dad. i saved you from something that mom never could save me from.
i don't know why i'm writing this letter to you when you're sitting in the room, staring at me with mom's eyes, the same sharp gaze that she would fix me with whenever i got in trouble. i don't hate you, i could never hate you. sometimes its just hard, looking at you and seeing the ghost of a person who really didn't do anything good for you but leave you alone in a house with a drunken grieving abusive father. atty, i'll probably never give you this letter, and you'll probably never read it. but if you do, i want you to know one thing. i don't regret you. i don't regret saving you from our father. raising you helped me raise myself. after all, a child can't raise a child. you forced me to grow up more and i was so grateful for that. i love you, little sis. i'll love you till the day i die. and i'm so looking forward to seeing how you change the world in the future.
damon, could a guy ask for a better friend then you? you are probably one of the few people who knew just how much the situation with my parents hurt me, how much i struggled with it. after all, weren't you the one who convinced me to stop cutting myself, telling me that it wasn't worth it, that the evil man in my house wasn't worth all the crying and the cutting. you are probably the only one that could see past my arrogance to the person underneath, to the one who was weak and self conscious and constantly told himself that he wasn't good enough. you watched as i stayed strong for athena, even when life was anything but easy, and all the while you were there, picking me up every time i fell down.
of course, i guess there's been more to our friendship then all the deep stuff. you were my best friend before i knew i needed one. i meet you in kindergarten and somewhere along the lines, i still can't remember how, we became friends. who knew then that damon and zeus would be a pair the world would come to know? you were the one that pushed me towards becoming a popular musician like i am now. i guess the world has you to blame for unleashing me. gah. i don't want to be so emotional in this letter. but seriously dude, i don't think i ever could have made it through this without you. i may be a solo artist, but i wouldn't be anywhere without my favorite guitar player. thanks for just being there, for always knowing what i needed even before i knew i needed it. if i ever pull a jackass move, you're there to put me in my place. i'm sorry. i'm not really sure what else to say. just keep being awesome i guess.
oh l.... god i messed up so bad with you. i'm really sorry. god i'm so sorry. i let fame get the best of me, and the world and my life. and in the process, i lost you, one of the few people in this world that meant something to me. just makes me an idiot i guess. it just goes to show that being an arrogant asshole eventually does lead to loosing the people you love. i mean, i guess it's too late to take it back. by now you've probably heard that i moved to New York, New York with atty. and maybe we need to take a step back and look at this for a second. maybe this split is a good thing. maybe we need to see other people and figure out if we were actually meant to spend forever together. i'm not going to be moving back to greece any time soon. i might stay here in austin and form a band with damon. i love you and i was looking forward to spending forever with you, but obviously its just not meant to be right now.
but on that note i have quite a bit to thank you for. the past nine years with you have probably been some of the craziest and some of the best years of my life. you helped me to raise athena and i really can't thank you enough for that. you have always been a mother figure to her and been there for all the things that i, as a male, would have had a difficult time with. you are an amazing woman and eventually you will make an amazing mother. you'll make an amazing wife, even if it's not with me. i know this because you were amazing with me. you were always there for me, even with all the crap my father put me through and adopting athena. and never once did you doubt me. you just kept pushing me on and giving me strength no matter what. again, i'm really really sorry for the way that things ended between us and i hope that in time we can pursue a friendship. i'm sorry. i love you. and good luck in life.
dear mom
look mom, i don't blame you for leaving us all those years ago. how could i? i would have left if i could have. it's not exactly like living with father was easy, it was never easy, even before the abuse started. in case you were wondering, i do remember all the fights. i remember him screaming at you over things that shouldn't have mattered, saying things to you that a man should never say to his wife. i know it's stupid, but somehow i guess i blame myself, like maybe i could have stopped it or something. i don't know. i was fifteen when it started. I remember it clearly. Remembered thinking that maybe I could stop him. But whenever I tried, you pushed me away, put yourself between him and I. Athena was 7 then, you remember? You told me to watch her, told me to take care of her. I did.
You left a year after it started, but you didn't come back for us. I don't know why, I don't remember why. Mom, why did you leave us there? He would try to come after us too, but I would always take Athena with me. I could leave before things got violent. By the time I was eighteen, I was finally able to expose him for who he was. They let me take Athena. By then I was already starting to get famous for my music, overwhelmingly so. It wasn't long before I was recording my own music and doing tour around Europe. Athena would always come with me when I did my tours, she was doing online school. Mom, Athena is a genius. It was like there was never enough knowledge in her brain, like she thrived on it. She's beautiful, just like you. She's eighteen now, recently accepted into state of New York university on a full ride scholarship. It's amazing. We've finally settled down in New York. I hope you come to see us mom. We miss you.
I do anyways. I want you to meet her mom. I've tried so hard to make sure that she was safe from the world. I didn't want anyone to hurt her. I want to talk to you in person, there's so much more I could say to you. I love you mom. And I still don't blame you.
dear father
why? I literally don't know what else to say but ask why? Why did you yell at us? Why did you hurt mom? Why did you act like your entire family meant nothing to you? why didn't you fight me over athena? why did you just give up? i don't understand it and i don't understand you. you have an amazing family, or rather had i guess since i doubt any of us consider you family any more. i don't know if you care about how any of us are and if you do, you have a pretty funny way of showing it. i haven't talked to you since the day i took athena away. but you're alive, i guess, haven't drunk yourself into oblivion. yet anyway.
even if you don't care, i guess i should keep you posted anyway. i'm a pretty famous musician, in case you live under a rock and you haven't noticed. athena is a genius, she's been accepted into New York state university with a full ride scholarship. we moved to texas, so i guess there no chance in running into you, not that i'd want to run into you. athena may have been too young to remember the way you would abuse our mother, but not me. i remember how often i told you to stop, to leave her alone. only for you to turn around and narrow your eyes at me, telling me to leave or you'd come after me too. i'd always stay until mom told me to leave the room, pushing me away, telling me to take care of athena, please.
i listened to her, but i hated walking away. i hated leaving her in the room, knowing that you would hurt her once you got the chance, once i left. i would go to athena, turning on the tv, making it loud enough that we couldn't hear you yelling in the next room, or the sharp sound of a slap against our mother's cheek. i would talk to athena, distract her. and i would eventually take the place of not just her father, but her mother too. you are the reason our mother left all those years ago. you are the reason your daughter grew up without a mother. i hope your proud of yourself for that.
to this day i ask myself why i didn't report you, why i didn't tell anyone what you were doing... not just hurting our mother, but tearing apart our family too. there are nights where it keeps me awake. i can't claim to have understood my fifteen year old self. maybe i was hoping you'd stop. that, with enough time, you would stop and our family wouldn't have to fall apart. we could be together till the end of time. i don't know, i don't honestly remember. i want to say that i'm not still bitter, that i don't still hate you for what you've done. but i'd be a liar. to tell the truth, i hope you go rot in the pits of hades. it's what you deserve, what you've always deserved.
dear atty
oh atty, you always hated being called athena. you weren't a goddess, you would say, so you shouldn't be called a goddess. and yet your namesake could possibly be more fitting. you were always much smarter then we gave you credit for. i'd always thought that you knew nothing about what happened with our parents. i never mentioned it, i always wanted you to have a positive view on the world, even though the world isn't a friendly place anymore. i'm sorry for that atty, i should have told you the truth. i was just scared, you know? you were so young, how could i ruin your faith in the world at such a young age. i didn't have the heart atty. it's too late to change the innocence of our past, we can't bring mom back and we can't make dad care, but i promise, things were always so bad before things happened.
dad used to be a nice guy. i know, it's hard to believe. but he wasn't always the scary person we make him out to be now. i have a picture of me when i was a baby, he's in the picture too. he's handing me a blue stuffed cat. you know the stuffed animal, the one i keep with me when i'm touring. i keep it to remind me that life isn't all bad, that if you look hard enough there is always a light at the end of each dark tunnel. i can also remember a time where mom looked up at him, her eyes full of love, before they kissed. he used to spoil me rotten, getting me everything i ever could have wanted. of course, back then, there was no you.. it was just the three of us. he loved that i loved music, by the time i turned nine and you were born, i was able to play guitar, piano, and the drum set perfectly. but then you came along and great grandma died. it's not your fault, i don't think your birth made him bad, i think it was loosing his grandma. it shattered the nice person in him, you know?
I don't know what you remember about mom, if you remember anything at all. and atty, i'm really just summarizing. i could go on and on for hours about mom and dad, show you the world i knew before things went bad. if we had stayed around, spent more time with mom's friends and family, you probably would have gotten tired of just how often they told you that you looked just like her. same dark brown wavy hair that could never be tamed, same blue green eyes that at times could be a perfect shade of green. i would have to agree. add ten years to you, and i'm sure anyone would have a hard time telling you two apart. mom was a painter. when she was decorating your room, she painted all of those flowers by hand, insisting that her little girl could only have the best of flowers. i wish i could have kept that picture, that part of mom. instead all i have is a small glass flower that she wore in her hair on the day she married dad. she probably wanted me to give it to you when you got married. it could be your something old i guess.
atty, i'm so proud of you and the woman you've become. mom would have been too. all the things you accomplished on the couch of that travel bus on tour with me. i'm sorry i took you away from the social aspect of high school, that was never my intention. i like to think that at the very least, you got to see the world when we were on tour. i like to think that you liked the days when it was just you and i exploring the world together, seeing the things most of your college classmates have probably only dreamed of going too. atty, if the world asks, i would tell them my greatest accomplishment was my ten number ones. but what would that mean to me in a year? ten years? no, little sis, raising you was my greatest accomplishment. and while i apologize that i never really told you about our parents, i don't feel bad about taking you away from dad. i saved you from something that mom never could save me from.
i don't know why i'm writing this letter to you when you're sitting in the room, staring at me with mom's eyes, the same sharp gaze that she would fix me with whenever i got in trouble. i don't hate you, i could never hate you. sometimes its just hard, looking at you and seeing the ghost of a person who really didn't do anything good for you but leave you alone in a house with a drunken grieving abusive father. atty, i'll probably never give you this letter, and you'll probably never read it. but if you do, i want you to know one thing. i don't regret you. i don't regret saving you from our father. raising you helped me raise myself. after all, a child can't raise a child. you forced me to grow up more and i was so grateful for that. i love you, little sis. i'll love you till the day i die. and i'm so looking forward to seeing how you change the world in the future.
dear damon
damon, could a guy ask for a better friend then you? you are probably one of the few people who knew just how much the situation with my parents hurt me, how much i struggled with it. after all, weren't you the one who convinced me to stop cutting myself, telling me that it wasn't worth it, that the evil man in my house wasn't worth all the crying and the cutting. you are probably the only one that could see past my arrogance to the person underneath, to the one who was weak and self conscious and constantly told himself that he wasn't good enough. you watched as i stayed strong for athena, even when life was anything but easy, and all the while you were there, picking me up every time i fell down.
of course, i guess there's been more to our friendship then all the deep stuff. you were my best friend before i knew i needed one. i meet you in kindergarten and somewhere along the lines, i still can't remember how, we became friends. who knew then that damon and zeus would be a pair the world would come to know? you were the one that pushed me towards becoming a popular musician like i am now. i guess the world has you to blame for unleashing me. gah. i don't want to be so emotional in this letter. but seriously dude, i don't think i ever could have made it through this without you. i may be a solo artist, but i wouldn't be anywhere without my favorite guitar player. thanks for just being there, for always knowing what i needed even before i knew i needed it. if i ever pull a jackass move, you're there to put me in my place. i'm sorry. i'm not really sure what else to say. just keep being awesome i guess.
dear lenny
oh l.... god i messed up so bad with you. i'm really sorry. god i'm so sorry. i let fame get the best of me, and the world and my life. and in the process, i lost you, one of the few people in this world that meant something to me. just makes me an idiot i guess. it just goes to show that being an arrogant asshole eventually does lead to loosing the people you love. i mean, i guess it's too late to take it back. by now you've probably heard that i moved to New York, New York with atty. and maybe we need to take a step back and look at this for a second. maybe this split is a good thing. maybe we need to see other people and figure out if we were actually meant to spend forever together. i'm not going to be moving back to greece any time soon. i might stay here in austin and form a band with damon. i love you and i was looking forward to spending forever with you, but obviously its just not meant to be right now.
but on that note i have quite a bit to thank you for. the past nine years with you have probably been some of the craziest and some of the best years of my life. you helped me to raise athena and i really can't thank you enough for that. you have always been a mother figure to her and been there for all the things that i, as a male, would have had a difficult time with. you are an amazing woman and eventually you will make an amazing mother. you'll make an amazing wife, even if it's not with me. i know this because you were amazing with me. you were always there for me, even with all the crap my father put me through and adopting athena. and never once did you doubt me. you just kept pushing me on and giving me strength no matter what. again, i'm really really sorry for the way that things ended between us and i hope that in time we can pursue a friendship. i'm sorry. i love you. and good luck in life.
lexi - eastern - carmin flores and Vincent Crosby
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