harder than you think

Jeremiah loved his job - he really did. He loved how every day was different and how exciting it could be. Some days were more exciting and interesting than others. One day he could have a car chase and robberies and then the next day he could do simple things like pull some people over for having a taillight out or going to check on somebody's grandmother to see if they're alright. Not every single day on the job was the same, and he was completely fine with that. it was probably better than way, anyway. If everyday was full of exciting and eventful things such as car chases and shoot outs everyday, well, it would probably be extremely exhausting and dreadful all the way around. He enjoyed adrenaline that he job gave him on the eventful days, but if was just a constant thing for him, he'd get worn out pretty damn quick. Now, as a police officer, you had your good days and your bad days. Y'know, not every day can you catch the suspect; not everyday can you arrive on the scene on time before something happens; not everyday can be an accomplishment on a call. Every officer had them and they were frustrating all the way around, but all you could do is work through it and try your best. It was rough, but it was pretty much inevitable. Sometimes no matter how hard you tried, your 100% only seemed like you were putting forth only about 75% or less. Unfortunately, Jeremiah was having one of those bad days. While he tried not letting it get to him, it did. He was unbelievably stressed out and frustrating from work that once he got off, he headed straight to the bar. This never was Miah's first choice. It wasn't really his favorite remedy, nor was it his typical first choice... It was more of a last resort if nothing else worked to make him feel better, but today all he need was to relax, clear his mind and drink a bit. There was nothing wrong with that. When he arrived at the bar, he casually pushed through the crowd to the counter to order his drink from the bartender there. he enjoyed bars and talking to people there, but he never spent too much time there because he didn't like having to deal with extremely drunken people or the bar fights that almost always broke out while he was there. Sure, he'd step in and break the fights up, but it got annoying after a few times. He placed himself at the bar stool and looked around the hazy, crowded bar at all the faces and took a few swigs of the beer the bartender had passed him.

tag: open words: 465  outfit: naw notes: miah's first post aw

Save your heart For someone who leaves you breathless

She was surprised how people manage to live their lives daily, from sun up to sun down. Caring little about the world around them, but more about themselves. Wondering how they were going to end and how they were going to live the rest of their lives. And yet, Lily couldn't think like that. She couldn't think about the future, when it was untold, it was unknown and she had no idea how she was going to turn out. If she was ever going to find another person to love, to have a family of her own or not. She wondered everyday, but she couldn't bring herself to even dream about it. Not for what happened only a few years before. That was her life, that is her past. And she would rather keep it that way, out of sight. And the let future unfold on it's own. Let it come forward with whatever willpower it will bring her way. Whether it's good or it turns out to be the most awful thing in the world. She'll handle it. She's already handle enough in her life as it was, so a little more destruction before peace and quiet couldn't be any more terrible.

Her hands were covered in pencil lead and paint. Spending all day drawing and then eventually painting. Something she loved doing, but going to school was something else. Going for what she enjoyed was harder than she expected. Her siblings said it would be easy for her because she had a natural talent, but at the same time they failed to mention to her about all the bullshit work she had to do. All she wanted to do was draw and paint. The things she loved doing, not do this extra work of more crap just to earn a grade. To be defined by a grade and the knowledge that is withheld in one's mind. She couldn't understand the concept of it, but when along with knowing it might as well benefit her in some shape or form somewhere down the road. Though she couldn't figure it out now why she would need the information when in all reality, she was going to do this for her own benefit of just learning more art styles, more ways to expand her own horizon and possibly get out there in the world all on her own.

Though tonight was something different, being dragged along by her sisters, Logan and Lindsay with their brother, Kester. Though Kester was far from anyone who would have gone out with them considering he was thirty-five years old and already had a family of his own. But spending time with his sisters and getting Lily out of the house and exploring just a little bit more was something he was more than welcomed to do. On her own behalf she didn't like the idea of going out and being young. She didn't want to be in a bar full of strangers, and yet she never really knew what it was like to do something like this after stowing herself away in her room for four years. Kester pulled Lily along towards the bar and sat her at one of the bar stools as he order them all drinks. Though he wasn't so sure that Lily was even going to drink anything though considering how socially awkward and lonely she had become, but hoped that she would do something to act her age of being young and twenty-two with nothing in the world to worry about (at least in this point of time). Lily sat there staring at what her brother had ordered her, a simple beer, that she wasn't even going to touch. It wasn't something she was use to and she wasn't going to become some hipster out there either. She stared around the bar as she looked for her siblings for comfort. They managed to disappear in the crowd for the time being, leaving her there. Alone. Nervous. And unable to figure out how she was suppose to feel in this sort of setting. While staring around the bar, she managed to make eye contact with a guy doing the same thing, she felt embarrassed for doing just that. Staring. Staring for no reason, but what else was she to do?

On most nights that Miah was at the bar, he would be social and practically bouncing off he walls with energy. He'd hardly be capable of being involved in one conversation because he would be running around the bar talking to eight people all at once. He loved socializing and he depended on it, but tonight was different. He felt like socializing, but not with as many people as he normally would. He was feeling antisocial really, but more reserved tonight. Of course, being in the mood that he was, it was kind to be expected. Who in the world liked being social when they were frustrated and angry? Exactly, no one. At first, he really wasn't too interested in conversing with anybody, but after a while of sitting alone, he decided that making conversing would make him feel better. He was an extrovert, so talking to people usually did bring his spirits up. Being out in public and off from work already made him feel a bit better, but what he really needed was to get his mind off of everything and talk to somebody. Looking at a lot of the people in the bar, he realize how young everybody looked. Some of them looked his age, but a lot of them looked way to young to even be stepping foot anywhere near a bar, let alone actually getting access into a bar. Either some kiddos in the bar were getting fake ID's, or some people had access to some damn fountain of youth and they weren't sharing. Most of these kids looked like were barely even nineteen, but here they were drinking alcohol and have a grand time. Regardless of how it went, it make Jeremiah suddenly feel older and he shuttered. On a normal night, he'd break out into cop mode and investigate to see if these youngins were actually 21+, but didn't really feel like it, so he decided against it and minded his own damn business like she should anyway. However, upon looking through the bar, he locked eyes with a girl sitting across the bar. Their eyes locked practically at the same time and said connected for quite some time until he looked away for a second. He cleared his throat and grabbed his drink and strolled her way, stopping in front of her. "So, uh, I noticed you noticing me and i thought i would notify you that i noticed you too," he mentioned with a coy smile. It was absolutely cheesy, but if you Jeremiah, you already knew that he was full of absolutely ridiculous and cheesy jokes and pickup lines. It was dumb, but completely fitting for the situation that he decided to acknowledge. It was really an opportunity that he couldn't pass up.

tag: lily briar graham words: 478  outfit: naw notes: aw

Save your heart For someone who leaves you breathless

She was so unsure of herself at this point. With everything changing, the world around her, her siblings growing older and getting families of their own, she felt like she was stuck in time. Forever stuck in time, unable to fend for herself, unable to rely on her own self to make sure she was actually living in the world around. Lily felt as she was going backwards, becoming helpless and defenseless. She wasn't moving forward like she should have. She wasn't looking for relationships or to start a family any time soon because it already failed. She lost that opportunity. It wasn't like it was planned in the first place, but it failed. She lost her chance to become a mother so young, and some of her siblings felt like it might have been best for her in the long run. To not be a mother so young while she had her whole life ahead of her. But it also set her back so much. Retreating to her room, depending on her siblings to help her out and to take care of her as she just locked herself away thinking of how she failed. How she failed to do something so simple and yet, it was just how life was handed to her. It was a natural thing, she couldn't have stopped it even if she had tried. But she had felt so guilty that she kept blaming herself over and over again. And she now she was just starting to move forward from them. She was starting to become like her old self, slowly, but surely.

Going on out was the next step for her, well, going to a bar was. Considering on her twenty-first birthday, her siblings tried to get her to go out and have her first drink, but she wouldn't budge. Though tonight felt as if it was the right night for her to get out there and meet people. Make new friends, and create new stories, at least that's what Kester had told her before they left the house. It was a chance for her to be young and enjoy herself, she wasn't suppose to lock herself away in her room, keep her thoughts to herself and be a person who never did anything outside in the real world.

Upon sitting there at the bar, she stared at the guy across from her at the bar, their eyes interlocking. She felt as if their gaze was forever. Staring back at each other felt as if it was so much longer than it actually was. She quickly turned away, pulling one of her legs close to her as she sat on the bar stool. Felt flustered, embarrassed. She really didn't know what to think. Her three siblings weren't anywhere in sight, so she could go running to them to tell them she wanted to leave and them she had enough with the real world. And that she wanted to go back to her room to paint and be a hermit. Yet she knew that might not even happen. They probably left her here to fend for herself and get use to be out in crowds of people that were close in age to her own self. As she sat there on the bar she never really expected the guy she made eye contact with to come over to her. She turned bright red when he did come forward to notify her that well, it was obvious, they both noticed each other. How could one even miss it? They made eye contact, staring into each other's souls, as if reading what the other person was thinking, except, lily really didn't have that skill. All she was capable of doing was blocking things out and keeping secrets to herself and out of the public eye. She wasn't sure how to respond to him though, it was just sudden and she hadn't really spoken to anyone but her siblings for years, so contact with someone else would have to be regained all over again for her. "I, uh, um... " she stuttered out. She tried to get more words to come out, but she didn't know how to respond. "Didn't think, you... um, noticed..." she managed to say, somewhat half heartily. Almost in her own joking, nervous way of letting it be known that she was somewhat socially awkward at this point.

It was absolutely never Jeremiah's intention to upset or offend anybody that he come in contact with. Sometimes he just comes on a little too strong with his approach, but he always meant well. He had always hoped and intended for his approach to uplifting and funny, but it sometimes never worked out that way. Sometimes it sure did come off funny and whoever he was talking to would hit it off really well, but sometimes it honestly came off downright creepy or just a little bit too much for a first meeting. Of course, if you knew Jeremiah personally, you'd know that he always intended well and was always just trying to cheer you up or find a creative way to approach somebody new to him. He hated having simple introductions of just 'hello, i'm Jeremiah, nice to meet you', so he always tried creating something that would last in the other person's mind. Kind of create a unique and interesting first meeting that they'd both remember for quite some time and look back on and laugh. This approach, however, went south in his mind. He was hoping he would approach her and say his stupid, cheesy line and she's laugh, but, oh no, that's not what happened. Instead, she clamed up on him. He noticed then that she was more social awkward the he was himself, so he figured he would try to work around that without trying to offend her in any way. He slightly furrowed his brows and shook his head, "Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't meant to upset you... I just - I just want to come over here and try to get you to laugh." He was honestly having trouble finding his own words. He whole heartily meant his apology, but he wanted to honestly tell her the reason why she did some over here and approach her. He didn't walk over her just to tell her he saw her staring because he too was staring. "I just - it - It was a joke, I'm sorry," he rushed out. Shut up, Miah. He mentally slapped himself across the face and rubbed the palm of his hand on the back of his neck, clearing his throat. Wait, why was he getting awkward? He hardly ever did that... He hardly ever got awkward in social interactions, so why now? "I really didn't deliberately come over here to tell you I noticed, I just thought it would be funny... I-" he pause for a minute before holding his hand out to her, "I'm MIah." It was better to just shut himself up before he went on for another ten minutes about how it was a joke and his didn't mean any harm by it and that he was sorry.

tag: lily briar graham words: 550  outfit: naw notes: aw

Save your heart For someone who leaves you breathless

She had been better at this, once upon a time. She had been better with getting to know people and not being so shy and socially awkward, but that was years ago. That was back in high school when everything was under scrutiny, and people were figuring their selves out. But now, she had to do it all over again. She had to figure out what she wanted to be, who she was going to be. As of now she was socially awkward, a mess, a nervous wreck in the least bit, but who was suppose to figure that out? Obviously not people around her, unless this fellow could just see it. She really hoped not, but then again, this was all Kester's fault. The big brother was to be put to blame and she was going to smack him silly when they finally made the effort to leave. At least when she figured out where her sisters and him went off to. But for now, she was just going to sit there at the bar with the guy that made eye contact with her. Eyes touched. Contact made. Nervous stutter. Hot pink cheeks. What else could come up for her?

For the longest time she wanted to curl up and restart the day over again, to figure out what to do over, but at the same time, maybe it was just the push of her siblings that she needed to get out there and to go back to her normal self. To not be so awkward, and closed off to the world around. To forget about why she locked herself away in her room for four years after high school. To remember that her child would have been in good hands no matter what choice was made. She should have done better for herself than to retreat into her own mind and close everyone off. She made sure to not curl into a ball because she wasn't in her room, but out in public. She she half heartily just watched him as words stumbled out. As if her own nervous, awkward self projected off of her and onto him. She could tell he meant no harm, no foul play of just trying to win over a conversation. It felt as if he himself was just to get the words out, but they were coming out as planned. She never realized that a stranger would try to make the effort to make someone laugh. To make them feel joy swell up inside of them, Lily of course was so out of touch she hadn't realize there was still people out there that did that. Most of them were just rude and full of themselves these days. "I.. um... I'm not very good with keeping conversations. And, um..." she stopped there, turning bright red. She was more embarrassed for herself from her stuttering and nervousness that she was unable to even comprehend a decent sentence to come out of her mouth. She was really lost within reality of how to act with other people. She really sheltered herself too much.

She kept motivating herself to push words out, to make herself more less nervous in a way. More of her old self, but even then that was a long shot. Too far of a long shot to even do. But once she heard his name, she felt like she should return the favor. It might help her open her closed walls and become less socially awkward, or at least in her mind she thought so. "I'm Lily," she said almost firmly, with a stronger tone in her voice than before, as she shook his hand in return. What else was there for her to say? This was where she was going to be having a hard time keeping things going. Like would they just keep talking about how they made eye contact, and how he came over here still? Or would they find something else to talk about. Would she be able to overcome her fear and feel comfortable? Or maybe it was the surroundings that was making her feel uncomfortable? She didn't really know at this point it was all still new for her, again. All over again. Learning how to be young and to enjoy life to the fullest wasn't something she was quite use to doing just yet.

tag: jeremiah chase alvarez words: 730 notes: she's a mess.

Jeremiah was friendly toward everyone - every single person he had ever met. It didn't matter who you were or what you've done, he was friendly. He didn't judge and he didn't assume shit about people. He was genuine. Jeremiah was seriously one of the nicest people that you could ever meet and that wouldn't change in the duration of time you knew him. He loved the process of getting to know people and he loved opening up to people he had just met. He didn't know why, but he did. He was just a social little butterfly that just loved getting to know people for who the were and what they were like. Their likes, dislikes, their quirks - everything. He didn't care what it was. He enjoying being the one that people came to. He loved cheering people up and making them laugh no matter what type of situation they were in. He just enjoyed being social and talking to whoever would give him attention. Sure, he was a bit of an attention whore but he honestly couldn't help it. He enjoyed the attention and having people surrounding him. Sure, it could get annoying or a bit overwhelming at times, but other times he could handle it. It was honestly really nice most of the time. He felt terrible about making this girl uncomfortable by approaching her. he really wanted her to feel comfortable talking to him, but of course, who can be comfortable when some random older guy just approached you at a bar saying he noticed you practically staring. it was definitely an awkward situation, he had to admit, but he didn't want to feel that way. He was a good guy and he didn't mean any harm, he just thought it would be a good way to strike up a conversation. After she first spoke, he stayed quite for a bit and then she firmly stated her name. While she seemed a bit more confident in telling him her name, she still seemed a little put off from the whole thing... "I'm really sorry, lily, I didn't mean to make you uneasy or anything," he apologized and frowned. "if you want, i'll leave you be?" he asked her before he started chewing on his bottom lip. He already did enough harm to this poor girl so it would probably be best if he kind of just left her alone. He typically had a difficult time with more socially awkward people. They had more of a shell to break and it took longer for him to break it than he wanted to. He didn't look at them any differently than any other person he spoke to, but it was definitely more of a task to get them more comfortable with talking than more social people. Sure, it took a little longer to get them to warm up but they usually turned out to be some of the nicest people that Jeremiah had ever met and encountered.

tag: lily briar graham words: 505  outfit: naw notes: aw