Post by henry ignatius dresden on Jan 27, 2015 21:46:56 GMT -5
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HENRY IGNATIUS DRESDEN
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I'm the eldest brother, the one who is suppose to take the heat, the one who takes the blame and makes sure everything is alright. I'm the one who has to look out for my little brother and myself because only God knows when things will ever get easy for the both of us. I'm the one who has caused troubled for us, and yet it hasn't phased him. It's caused him pain, but what am I do to do about that? I can't fix my mistakes, I can't fix the mistakes of our parents. He doesn't know the real truth, the real reason of why we were alone without them. Why they left us behind and continued forward with themselves without us. I don't think I can ever tell him the truth about why they are gone in the first place. It would solve anything, it would probably just make things worse than it already is. Alaric doesn't need to know that our parents abandoned us, just left us at a rest stop without a word of when they were coming back to pick us up. He was only three years old, and I, nine years old. He was too young to remember it, he only remembers being near my side at all times, at all the places went to the. The homes we were placed in, the people we met along the way. It was just another chapter in our story. Another dream to flush down the drain. It's nothing compared to what I've learned and accomplished in our short lives.
I would share the story of our travels, but you first must understand what came about of the truth about us. The reason of why were taken to a rest stop with so many people around, with people who could help us. We were only children and we couldn't take care of ourselves. Alaric cried as we sat there on the bench watching the automobile drive away. My father driving away, tears falling from his eyes. It had seemed that he held a reason close to his heart as to why he left us instead of giving us to an a member of our extended family. There had to be a reason, but like I said, I was only nine years old when he left us. The people there at the rest stop had watched as we arrived and were left behind. They helped us get to the police and then children services. We were put into a home, together, thankfully. I don't know how Alaric would have been like if he wasn't near my side. He's relied on me to help him get through our troubled times. He relied on me to take care of him, to speak up for him, to make sure he was alright and safe. We had gone through many homes, partially it was my fault. I couldn't stand any of the people we were with, they didn't understand us. How could they understand us, really? Though it really wasn't that hard, it just seemed as if they just didn't care too much. Though it had seemed almost odd to me that we had stayed in the same city, and gone to the same school and yet everyone knew our story. But none seemed to care about our ordeal. None cared that we were considered orphans, that we were floating around in the system, floating between families and homes, and a place to sink our roots in. We were just lost souls without a cause. Without a path to lead us down, we caused havoc every once in a while. Or so I did.
I lived up to my namesake. I played with fire way too many times. I couldn't tell you how many times I caught myself on fire or burned my fingers and every other limb on my body. Some adults saw me as a troubled child for playing with fire at such a young age. I was only twelve. I had found this silver metallic lighter on the ground still full with lighter fluid. I thought it was intriguing to see the flame move side by side, to see it burn the things it touch. To see the color change from the chemicals it reacted to. It was something that had caught my attention so many times over again, Alaric couldn't understand, and I don't think he ever will understand my addiction to playing with fire. Instead of drinking or using drugs I just lit and burn shit to the ground, but don't get me wrong, I'm not afraid of anything fire related. People have no proof of me doing anything dangerous to other people but myself. They can't hold me accountable for anything as nothing truly dangerous has happened. Though I must warn you as I grew older I became more troubled. More closed off to the world around me. I preferred to be alone than with anyone else. Alaric could tell you that, but I'm sure he wouldn't dare tell a soul of what happened.
I just turned seventeen years old and out of the blue a letter addressed to me came in the mail. By now we were in a somewhat permanent home, we weren't adopted or anything, just a place that we had been there for a while. I only had one year left before I became an adult and would have to find a place of my own, but I wasn't about to leave Alaric either. But the letter, it was something that I wasn't expecting. It was almost too scary to even read it. It was addressed to me, but it had seem like it came from someone that was once close to me. It never said anything about who had sent it out or why it was sent in the first place. It had been obvious who it came from, my father; our father. I could barely just recognize his hand writing, but it had been years since I've seen it, but I was sure it was him. It just seemed like it would be something he would have done in the first place. The letter though, it had been important for him to write because there was water stains throughout the page, as if he was crying while he was writing it. The letter mentioned the reason of why he let us go and that he was always watching us, but he couldn't bring himself forward to take care of us. It had seemed that our mother would just take us away from him and ruin everything he had accomplished and destroy him. I didn't want to even think about what he meant by that. I don't remember my mother as much. I don't really know why either. Like I remember her presence being around me and taking care of me and Alaric, but I can't remember her face, her voice, the way she smelled. Nothing came to mind when I think about her. I just don't know if it was because she was barely around or that I somehow blocked her memory from being accessed and it's suppressed within my mind. Though over the years of always holding onto that letter I've come to realize that maybe my father meant that my mother would have done harm to us in a way, I don't know what kind of harm probably something to get back at my father. Who knows, in a way, I guess I have him to thank for saving us. But it would have still been nice to have at least one parent around to care for us. At least then we wouldn't had gone through so many homes and families to get to where we were. Then again, I guess if our life didn't end up like this, I guess I wouldn't be the person I am today.
My father had always been there for us, when we were little, he took us everywhere and I can just barely remember his smile, his laughter, it's odd to even think about it now, but I miss him. But I also want to thank him, one way or another I probably wouldn't have met the two other people in my life that mean the most to me. My friends, my best friends. They are the people besides Alaric who even know how I am. I'm a brooding arsehole, I play with fire because I love the heat on against my skin and the dangers that come with it. They are the people who understand me, understand what I've gone through without a parent, or at least in a sense they have. (Saoirse Ronan) and I have grown closer over the years of knowing each other, but she's closer to my brother's age. It's odd that she looked up to me than my brother, I don't know what really attracted her to me. I guess it just happened. Something about her though, attracted me to her, not her age of course. Age is just a number it doesn't really define who a person is, it's their personality, the quality of life they produce and put the effort in showing, that defines who they really are. And that's probably one of the many things that attracted me to her, when we came across each other in the foster home. But of course it was highly unlikely that we could ever do anything, since it would have been wrong and I'm sure both of us would have gotten in trouble for doing anything and people would blame me for all this shit that might have happened because I know better, I'm the older one. I should know what the hell I'm doing in the first place and shouldn't be doing anything illegal. But even then things like that just seem to attract me to everything. I'm a bad boy on the inside, staying good wasn't always my strong suit to begin with. But (Saoirse) had a quality about her, her smile brighten my day, her laughter put a grin on my face, and her presence warmed my self up. It was as if it was true love at first sight, but I don't even know if that could truly happen or not. She makes me happy, but at the same time, I didn't want to ruin anything between each other and the place we lived at. I had to look out for Alaric and I, but she was so damn distracting that it was hard to make any crucial decisions without thinking about the decisions with her being involved in my life. She was just as important as Alaric was.
And then there was my other friend, he probably didn't even come close to having the same bond as (Saoirse) and I, but he and I became close over time. He's American, so it was only years later before I even called him a friend. (Jake Abel) and I just met while he was slowly trying to find himself, given that it was when I was 20 years old that I met him. Out of the foster home and taking care of Alaric, though I couldn't do anything to get (Saoirse) out of the home because she wasn't connected to me according to the government, but that's where (Jake) came in. He was like the friend I wish I had growing up. The guy who was always there and just knew from the very beginning that the friendship we had was strong. He lied about his age to 'adopt' (Saoirse) to at least get her out of the system. (Jake) is two years younger than me, but he sure as hell doesn't even act like he would remotely be the younger one out of the two of us. He had a strong head on his shoulders and he cares. The same heart that I have at times, to care for others that mean the world to us. (Jake) and (Saoirse) moved into the small living quarters I could afford for both Alaric and I. At least now, (Jake) could help with saving money and paying the bills at least until we could find a bigger place for all of us to stay. But that gave time for both (Saoirse) and Alaric to finish school and get through the teenage years with a permanent space to be without moving around so much and wondering where they would be at any given time and wondering what would happen to them if something went wrong.
I would share the story of our travels, but you first must understand what came about of the truth about us. The reason of why were taken to a rest stop with so many people around, with people who could help us. We were only children and we couldn't take care of ourselves. Alaric cried as we sat there on the bench watching the automobile drive away. My father driving away, tears falling from his eyes. It had seemed that he held a reason close to his heart as to why he left us instead of giving us to an a member of our extended family. There had to be a reason, but like I said, I was only nine years old when he left us. The people there at the rest stop had watched as we arrived and were left behind. They helped us get to the police and then children services. We were put into a home, together, thankfully. I don't know how Alaric would have been like if he wasn't near my side. He's relied on me to help him get through our troubled times. He relied on me to take care of him, to speak up for him, to make sure he was alright and safe. We had gone through many homes, partially it was my fault. I couldn't stand any of the people we were with, they didn't understand us. How could they understand us, really? Though it really wasn't that hard, it just seemed as if they just didn't care too much. Though it had seemed almost odd to me that we had stayed in the same city, and gone to the same school and yet everyone knew our story. But none seemed to care about our ordeal. None cared that we were considered orphans, that we were floating around in the system, floating between families and homes, and a place to sink our roots in. We were just lost souls without a cause. Without a path to lead us down, we caused havoc every once in a while. Or so I did.
I lived up to my namesake. I played with fire way too many times. I couldn't tell you how many times I caught myself on fire or burned my fingers and every other limb on my body. Some adults saw me as a troubled child for playing with fire at such a young age. I was only twelve. I had found this silver metallic lighter on the ground still full with lighter fluid. I thought it was intriguing to see the flame move side by side, to see it burn the things it touch. To see the color change from the chemicals it reacted to. It was something that had caught my attention so many times over again, Alaric couldn't understand, and I don't think he ever will understand my addiction to playing with fire. Instead of drinking or using drugs I just lit and burn shit to the ground, but don't get me wrong, I'm not afraid of anything fire related. People have no proof of me doing anything dangerous to other people but myself. They can't hold me accountable for anything as nothing truly dangerous has happened. Though I must warn you as I grew older I became more troubled. More closed off to the world around me. I preferred to be alone than with anyone else. Alaric could tell you that, but I'm sure he wouldn't dare tell a soul of what happened.
I just turned seventeen years old and out of the blue a letter addressed to me came in the mail. By now we were in a somewhat permanent home, we weren't adopted or anything, just a place that we had been there for a while. I only had one year left before I became an adult and would have to find a place of my own, but I wasn't about to leave Alaric either. But the letter, it was something that I wasn't expecting. It was almost too scary to even read it. It was addressed to me, but it had seem like it came from someone that was once close to me. It never said anything about who had sent it out or why it was sent in the first place. It had been obvious who it came from, my father; our father. I could barely just recognize his hand writing, but it had been years since I've seen it, but I was sure it was him. It just seemed like it would be something he would have done in the first place. The letter though, it had been important for him to write because there was water stains throughout the page, as if he was crying while he was writing it. The letter mentioned the reason of why he let us go and that he was always watching us, but he couldn't bring himself forward to take care of us. It had seemed that our mother would just take us away from him and ruin everything he had accomplished and destroy him. I didn't want to even think about what he meant by that. I don't remember my mother as much. I don't really know why either. Like I remember her presence being around me and taking care of me and Alaric, but I can't remember her face, her voice, the way she smelled. Nothing came to mind when I think about her. I just don't know if it was because she was barely around or that I somehow blocked her memory from being accessed and it's suppressed within my mind. Though over the years of always holding onto that letter I've come to realize that maybe my father meant that my mother would have done harm to us in a way, I don't know what kind of harm probably something to get back at my father. Who knows, in a way, I guess I have him to thank for saving us. But it would have still been nice to have at least one parent around to care for us. At least then we wouldn't had gone through so many homes and families to get to where we were. Then again, I guess if our life didn't end up like this, I guess I wouldn't be the person I am today.
My father had always been there for us, when we were little, he took us everywhere and I can just barely remember his smile, his laughter, it's odd to even think about it now, but I miss him. But I also want to thank him, one way or another I probably wouldn't have met the two other people in my life that mean the most to me. My friends, my best friends. They are the people besides Alaric who even know how I am. I'm a brooding arsehole, I play with fire because I love the heat on against my skin and the dangers that come with it. They are the people who understand me, understand what I've gone through without a parent, or at least in a sense they have. (Saoirse Ronan) and I have grown closer over the years of knowing each other, but she's closer to my brother's age. It's odd that she looked up to me than my brother, I don't know what really attracted her to me. I guess it just happened. Something about her though, attracted me to her, not her age of course. Age is just a number it doesn't really define who a person is, it's their personality, the quality of life they produce and put the effort in showing, that defines who they really are. And that's probably one of the many things that attracted me to her, when we came across each other in the foster home. But of course it was highly unlikely that we could ever do anything, since it would have been wrong and I'm sure both of us would have gotten in trouble for doing anything and people would blame me for all this shit that might have happened because I know better, I'm the older one. I should know what the hell I'm doing in the first place and shouldn't be doing anything illegal. But even then things like that just seem to attract me to everything. I'm a bad boy on the inside, staying good wasn't always my strong suit to begin with. But (Saoirse) had a quality about her, her smile brighten my day, her laughter put a grin on my face, and her presence warmed my self up. It was as if it was true love at first sight, but I don't even know if that could truly happen or not. She makes me happy, but at the same time, I didn't want to ruin anything between each other and the place we lived at. I had to look out for Alaric and I, but she was so damn distracting that it was hard to make any crucial decisions without thinking about the decisions with her being involved in my life. She was just as important as Alaric was.
And then there was my other friend, he probably didn't even come close to having the same bond as (Saoirse) and I, but he and I became close over time. He's American, so it was only years later before I even called him a friend. (Jake Abel) and I just met while he was slowly trying to find himself, given that it was when I was 20 years old that I met him. Out of the foster home and taking care of Alaric, though I couldn't do anything to get (Saoirse) out of the home because she wasn't connected to me according to the government, but that's where (Jake) came in. He was like the friend I wish I had growing up. The guy who was always there and just knew from the very beginning that the friendship we had was strong. He lied about his age to 'adopt' (Saoirse) to at least get her out of the system. (Jake) is two years younger than me, but he sure as hell doesn't even act like he would remotely be the younger one out of the two of us. He had a strong head on his shoulders and he cares. The same heart that I have at times, to care for others that mean the world to us. (Jake) and (Saoirse) moved into the small living quarters I could afford for both Alaric and I. At least now, (Jake) could help with saving money and paying the bills at least until we could find a bigger place for all of us to stay. But that gave time for both (Saoirse) and Alaric to finish school and get through the teenage years with a permanent space to be without moving around so much and wondering where they would be at any given time and wondering what would happen to them if something went wrong.
MAX IRONS - TOURIST - WRITTEN BY HALE
