I'VE BEEN CRYING FOR DAYS NOW.

tag: freya viola norling words: 779

♥♥♥

As hours move to minutes And minutes take longer to break I will be desperately awaiting When my tongue won't fall apart And we've been sitting here for hours All alone and in the dark So let me think of how to word it Is it too soon to say 'perfect'? If I could find another thirty minutes somewhere I'm sure everything would find me All that's left is just to sing I'll be here by the ocean Just waiting for proof that there's sunsets and silhouette dreams All my sand castles fall like the ashes of cigarettes And every wave drags me to sea I could stand here for hours Just to ask God the question, "Is everyone here make-believe?" With a tear in His voice, He says, "Son, that's the question." Does this deafening silence mean nothing to no one but me? And if you sing to me sweet until then I may never sail Virginia again. And as this current moves slow for me This much you must know: we'll meet again And I'll have you know

I'm scared to death

He was so unsure of himself these days, as if the move from Las Vegas to New York was just something that caused him to miss home. But of course home was wherever family was. And he was with family, even if he wasn't with his older sister or parents, he still had his younger siblings and uncle with him. That had to count for something. Though Josef never really knew how to handle things with them around, as if he would screw up along the way and make everything worse than it already was. He already had a future taken away from him, what more could happen. He never could seem to find that light at the end of the road, he did once. But he was told to not go into it. It wasn't his time and he was ready to pass through it. He was still needed on Earth, needed by his friends and family. He had a live to live and to enjoy with whom he shared it with. He was going to have a family one day and be father, a grandfather, a great grandfather. He was going to bring on a legacy. Now if only he could get his mind out of the gutter and out of the dark place he was in could he succeed in what he was suppose to do in his lifetime. To fulfill it and welcome death with open arms when it finally came for him.

He still has his habits, he terrible ones of drinking on the couch and falling asleep there until morning. And of course Freya and Jonas were the ones to see the aftermath. Vidar accepted it saying that give it time and he would get passed this struggle of the pain and sorrow he felt every day and night. He had been getting better when he was in Las Vegas, but the move seem to change things for the worse. He went back to the habit of doing it. He couldn't quit cold turkey this time. He would more than likely have to be taken of his addiction gradually, though he never really knew how long it would be until someone made the effort to make it stop. To help him stop feeling sorry for himself and to move forward. To leave behind the grief that overwhelmed him and makes everything around him gloomy for the worse. Josef was, is suppose to be the strong one. The one who can overcome anything. He's a firefighter. He's a person who risks his life to go to into fires to save people, and yet he can't save his self from his own demons. His own misfortunes and everyone knew it. They could see the sadness in his eyes, the grief that he had when he looked at the picture on his desk in his office. The high school picture of senior year with Eloise. The two of them having smiles on their faces. The laughter being heard in the back of his mind. The scene replaying over and over again in his head when ever he stared at it. The memories that he held tight and close to heart. It made it much harder for him to move forward when he lost someone who was close to him, someone who he thought he would have spent the rest of his life with. Someone who he thought would always be there and yet he was one who made the journey to survive and make it through the fire.

He sat there in the garage at the table that most of the rescue squad members sat at when they were at the fire house. He was swinging side to side in the chair as he watched the guys play cards in front of him. His mind was elsewhere at the moment. Waiting for something to happen. Maybe they would get a call, or someone would pull up to the firehouse for some unknown reason. Anything to brighten the mood or to spruce the numbness that everyone was feeling. The feeling of nothing, nothing that could bring up anything without feeling like blah. The tiredness that hung in the air, the damp feeling of loneliness and sorrow, and yet everyone lived on. Josef lived for the feeling of something else, but he longed for something more that only few could give and no one was in his life right now to do just that. His mind went blank and he stared back at the guys as one of them threw his cards on the table in disgust as another won once more in the game they were playing.

[googlefont="Yanone Kaffeesatz"]

1138 words

josef casper norling

outfit; sorry for rambling >.>

GONNA SHUT THE WORLD OUT

a fresh start was something freya desperately needed. this was her last shred of hope to anything. there was nothing left for her back at home. no, she shook her head, that wasn't right. she had graham and luca. but they were right. it was a small town and once they discovered what had happened with connor and his friends…. the town would turn all the blame on her. twist it into something that it wasn't. they would make the golden star that is connor into the victim in the story, and she would be made the bad guy. she had not wanted to leave. it was her home. her family meant everything to her. she spent her entire life there. it was supposed to be her safe haven. it was supposed to be the one place she felt secure and accepted. but no, she had to go to the party. even with her best friends protesting left, right and centre, she had not listened. then again, when did she ever? she knew she had always felt that there was more than just family and brunswick, maine. she had always itched to leave her home, but never this way. never because she was forced to. she knew she had blindsided her parents and sister when she told them that she was going to follow the boys to new york. despite always being the troublemaker in the family, everyone had thought she would be the first to leave brunswick. it was just expected of her because she had never planned to stay. but then college happened and she found these two amazing men in her life that she got to call her best friends, and then connor happened. she had handful of reasons to stay. but nothing had prepared her for the reason to leave. she didn't tell her parents about connor. she just made some lame excuse about how they broke up and she just needed to get away for some fresh air. they hadn't questioned it. surprised by her sudden proclamation, perhaps, but not unexpected. they had allowed her to pack her things and just move. and she would be forever grateful that they hadn't pestered for a better reason. vidar had probably been surprised, suspicious even, but he hadn't questioned it either- which led freya to be suspicious. her uncle was a cunning man. always only allowed things to happen if it was only in his advantage. josef, well she supposed he was too busy with his own problems to even question it. and jonas probably didn't care either. her family didn't generally question things. it wasn't in their nature.

now, the problem with moving away from her family in brunswick to keep a secret from them was moving in with the other half of her family and figuring out how to keep her secret. see, despite vidar always doing things on his own agenda, josef being his usual wallowing self, and jonas being the typical teenager, they also tended to be overly protective over her. maybe it was because she was the youngest female of the family or maybe they just thought she wasn't able to take care of herself, but whatever it was, she knew, for certain, that they would fly back to maine and kill the poor suckers if they ever found out the truth. she had given them the same lame excuse she had given her parents. that connor and her couldn't settle their differences and he had broken up with her. that she didn't want to talk about it. but the worst part of it all was that her lie was going to fall apart sooner or later. in a matter of a couple of months, it would start to show. she didn't know how to tell her brothers. didn't even know how to cope with it herself, really. she had been keeping herself in an ignorant bliss the last few weeks. she had ignored the morning sickness, the fatigue spells, and the constant need to pee. in fact, she had happily wiped the memory of the pregnancy test from her mind. maybe if she didn't think about it, it would just be one big nightmare, but it would be just a dream nonetheless. because she couldn't accept the reality of it all. didn't want to acknowledge that she was pregnant. but her nausea was getting worse and she knew at least one of the three males was starting to notice. they would question it. but she didn't know how she would tell them. what story she would fabricate. she didn't even know if she was going to keep the child for christ's sake. she was at a complete and utter loss with what to do with herself or the tiny human being growing inside her each passing day. but she refused to think much of it. especially on her day off. these days were the worst. days off left too much time for her mind to wander, to think, to dwell on the worst case scenarios. at least with her busy work life, she had no time to even sit, let alone think about her own life. so, instead, she allowed herself to clean the house, something she didn't do often and would only do when she was stressed, worried or upset. after she had thoroughly scrubbed the place spotless and had nothing else to do, she baked. when those were done, it was only still early afternoon. she sighed as she cleaned the last dirty plate from her baking. what now? she knew it wasn't safe to leave herself in an empty apartment with her thoughts. she glanced at the time again as she started to pack her baked goods into a medium sized container, changed out of her sweatpants and decided that she might visit josef. she could use some new friends, associate herself with josef's coworkers, and it gave her a relatively good excuse to check up on her brother without really telling him that she was checking up on him. with that, she got everything she needed, hailed a cab and went down to the fire hall her brother was stationed at. after paying the cab driver, she made her way to the large garage doors where the fire trucks were. she could hear a bit of commotion inside, so she poked her head around one of the open garage doors. "knock knock" she said before making her way to the guys sitting around the table. she spotted her brother immediately, and forced herself not to roll her eyes at the way he was sulking. "hope you don't mind me visiting, josef, but i brought baked goods?" she phrased it into a question, only because she was unsure how he would feel about her being here. 

x

tag: freya viola norling words: 986

♥♥♥

As hours move to minutes And minutes take longer to break I will be desperately awaiting When my tongue won't fall apart And we've been sitting here for hours All alone and in the dark So let me think of how to word it Is it too soon to say 'perfect'? If I could find another thirty minutes somewhere I'm sure everything would find me All that's left is just to sing I'll be here by the ocean Just waiting for proof that there's sunsets and silhouette dreams All my sand castles fall like the ashes of cigarettes And every wave drags me to sea I could stand here for hours Just to ask God the question, "Is everyone here make-believe?" With a tear in His voice, He says, "Son, that's the question." Does this deafening silence mean nothing to no one but me? And if you sing to me sweet until then I may never sail Virginia again. And as this current moves slow for me This much you must know: we'll meet again And I'll have you know

I'm scared to death

It was different here. He couldn't tell if he was going to like it or not. It wasn't Brunswick, and it wasn't Vegas. Though he and Jonas hadn't been in Vegas for long anyways. It was more of mere test to even try out. But it proved the point of what he was expecting. It wasn't a place he would have like in the first place. It was too dry and too hot. Brunswick was just right, but then again of course that would be said of home. He was use to weather that happened there. And of course New York felt remotely like home. Though much more busier and less of knowing your neighbors and getting the gossip spread around town. But at this point New York might be like that too. Given people ran in the same circles, though it seemed very unlikely. From what Vidar had been telling him as of late. It was different story. Things were different. He wasn't just supporting himself or Jonas, he was supporting himself, Jonas, Vidar and his younger sister, Freya. She was a handful in her own work. Always being the oddball of the family, exploring more than anything, keeping things to herself. Josef knew this and didn't ask about. When time was right she would share. Though he felt like sometimes he should just step up and ask how things were going with her. How she was doing and why make the move with him and Jonas. Of all times she comes now when Uncle Vidar shows up on their doorstep. Of all times it's now. Of course things work in mysterious ways, but there's always a motive in a person's choice. Josef knew better, but he was so caught up in his own shit to even take notice of anything else.

He had been getting better when he was Vegas. Going to see a therapist, getting help and trying to move forward. But now he went back on his word. He said screw it to the therapist and gave up. He gave up going for who knows what reason he gave this time. He's given so many he's lost count of why. The drinking has started again, Jonas hasn't said a word about it in fear that something terrible is going to happen. He, of course, has enough on his plate trying to get ready for senior year and get college apps out the door. Because that's how he was. Book smart, paid more attention to everything else than the world around him. Josef liked it was about him, and of course it seemed like he should be. Though the thought of letting his brother go out on his own was something that just scared him, like the thought of his sister doing the same. He cared for them even though he was depressed and wallowed in his own guilt. It was something that needed to improve, but he lacked the ability. Like how every fire fighter had their own was of coping. When they go through a fire and see a person die, when someone dies in their arms. It's just something that happens. It's not their fault, they tried their best. They tried as they could with what little time they have to think and to move forward. They cope with what wherever way they can. And Josef's way is drinking, wallowing in his own pity and leaving it at that. He's grown in that ability, to keep things out of sight and out of mind. To push things away and make sure no one can tell. Though when the drinking comes into play then things change. It's known to the rest of the household. He's passed out on the couch still with a bottle in his hand, and bottles everywhere else. The tv is still blaring in the background, and Josef is in yesterday's clothes. He can't make it to his room and Vidar tries as he mights to make sure the younger Norlings don't see, but he can't make any promises with that. Vidar knows when things get worse and when things are getting better. Its and up and down movement. Getting better, getting worse, staying in between of who the hell knows what is going on with Josef. No one really knows.

Of course he was taken aback when he heard his sister's voice. He didn't expect her to come into the firehouse today, or any day for that matter. She came without much notice anyways. She always had a way of sneaking up on him and he hated the feeling, but pushed it aside. He couldn't do much about it anyways. It just happened. "Baked goods? Well someone must have gotten bored at home," he said turning in his chair. The guys looked up from their game, mouths watering as she came with cookies towards them. Freya always was mysterious to Josef, in the fact that he could figure out Gry easily, but his younger sister, she was just something else. It was a mystery to him to how she even function. He could tell that she had gotten bored, to the fact that she started to bake. He knew he would come home to a clean house, but even then that scared him. Clean wasn't something he was really use to, but it was acceptable. Being in front of co-workers and his sister was something else. he didn't change in any which way, he was relaxed for the moment, at ease because there was a part of him that didn't show up at work that the rest of his family already knew. His co-workers never really questioned how he was elsewhere because he never showed it. It just never came about. "How many batches of cookies did you end up baking anyways?" Josef asked out of curiosity to see if there would be any still at home.

[googlefont="Yanone Kaffeesatz"]

1042 words

josef casper norling

outfit; more rambling

GONNA SHUT THE WORLD OUT

freya had always been different from the rest of her family. never quite fit in with the rest of them. no one could explain her personality traits as it reflected none of their family members. she didn't know how to explain it, herself. the only thing she could tell you was that she had always felt that she was able to do things on her own. she had her own hands and her own feet. why make someone do the same task when you're equally capable of doing it yourself? she was not the kind of person who relied on others. even as a child. didn't need to depend on anyone to help her. she had always been self sufficient. she was not your typical youngest daughter. she wasn't daddy's little girl, although she was pretty sure she fit the description sometimes. she knew her father generally favoured her, but freya had never behaved like the spoiled little brat everyone expected her to be. she was a problem solver. always mapped out all possible scenarios before approaching the situation. she was in control in all aspects of her life. she shook her head, no. she was not in control at all. certainly not that night. but the thing about this dark beauty was that she was not the kind of person to burden others with her problem. wouldn't go to someone for help unless she absolutely, necessarily had to. she was a mystery to the norling family. she had a habit of keeping things to herself, and would most likely take it to her grave. it wasn't always a bad thing, but for many people, it seemed she was just shutting them out like the ice queen they depict her to be. the only reason graham and luca had even known about what happened that night was because they were there. maybe a little too late, but they had been there to help her afterwards like the true friends that they were. they were the only two people in the entire world that she would trust wholeheartedly. it wasn't that she didn't trust her family, but it was just that there were some things her family didn't need to know about. it was solely for their protection. because she knew what her dad would have done had he found out. had he asked more questions about why she decided, suddenly, to join her brothers. she had so many chances to leave maine, but not once had she taken the opportunity. a part of her had hoped that they would ask why. a part of her wanted someone in her family to know this deep dark secret of hers. but she knew it was for the better that they didn't know. that they were kept in the dark because she didn't know what her family would do if they knew. would they be disgusted with her? would they be ashamed? or would they be sympathetic and shower her with pitiful looks? none of those options seemed appealing. 

she grinned at her brother at his comment. he was right, of course. despite her workaholic tendencies, freya got bored often. it was why she continued to do her masters and become a nurse practitioner. the job kept her on her toes and gave her enough to do to never allow her mind to wander or get bored. she often dreaded days offs just because she knew she would have nothing to do. now, if graham and luca had been here, she would have had something to do. she would certainly be more lively, more than happy to find something for the three of them to do or explore. instead, she often found herself cleaning up after her brothers and uncle. not that she minded. it gave her something to do. now, simple chores was not unusual for this girl. it was the scrubbing, the wiping, and the overall need to clean every corner of the house that was unusual. it was not often she just sat on the floor tiles with a toothbrush and a pail of water by her side. in fact, on most days, she would avoid it as much as she could. and the only time she cleaned the house top to bottom was when something was plaguing her mind. something that didn't happen often. she knew she should take it easy. especially since she was a few weeks into her pregnancy. but the more she knew she should take it easy and think about the baby, the more it made her want to scrub every little crack. "extremely so. is it okay if i hung out here for a while?" she asked her brother first before turning her attention to the crowd, wanting a general consensus. she didn't want to intrude their little card playing get together. especially not if they had a call and needed to go. she really hoped it was okay because she could really use some company at the moment. not that she would ask or downright say it out loud that wasn't freya. but she just really couldn't stand to be alone at the moment. there were no more distractions, and the hospital pretty much had to drag her home to get some rest from her shifts. they hadn't told her to go home. they had demanded it. especially considering the fact that she was almost always there. she took a few naps here and there in the staff room, but it was rare for her to actually leave the hospital. and if she did leave the hospital, it was to do some laundry, make sure the boys haven't turned the house upside down in messes, and restock the fridge for them before going back to the hospital. she shrugged at her brother's question, "probably enough to feed a village at the moment." she admitted sheepishly. she had been so lost in the motion and momentum of the baking, she hadn't realized how much she had made until she saw the kitchen was filled with cookies and brownies. she took the liberty to make her way closer to the guys and placing the boxes of baked goods on the table, "please, by all means, help yourselves." 

x

tag: freya viola norling words: 1939 (w/song lyrics)/1610

♥♥♥

As hours move to minutes And minutes take longer to break I will be desperately awaiting When my tongue won't fall apart And we've been sitting here for hours All alone and in the dark So let me think of how to word it Is it too soon to say 'perfect'? If I could find another thirty minutes somewhere I'm sure everything would find me All that's left is just to sing I'll be here by the ocean Just waiting for proof that there's sunsets and silhouette dreams All my sand castles fall like the ashes of cigarettes And every wave drags me to sea I could stand here for hours Just to ask God the question, "Is everyone here make-believe?" With a tear in His voice, He says, "Son, that's the question." Does this deafening silence mean nothing to no one but me? And if you sing to me sweet until then I may never sail Virginia again. And as this current moves slow for me This much you must know: we'll meet again And I'll have you know

I'm scared to death

When I was a kid, I’d fly around and Peter would mention
Don’t be afraid to die, 'cause to die would be an awfully big adventure
One day I stopped believing, now my friends say they’re so bored of me
I used to be a real boy with real plans, now I’m just reality TV

I used to be your knight in shining armor, and I’d rescue you from hell
Lately I stare into the mirror, and I say to myself,

I’ve spent too many nights watching “How I Met Your Mother” alone
Now I’m searching for my yellow umbrella, hoping I’ll take her home
Maybe I just wanna be legendary
Yeah we all just wanna be legendary, oh

I’m done chasing actresses, I’m full of love, and they’re all full of shit
Now I’m stumbling out the bar. One more fame-monster story, I’ll be sick
One day I stopped believing, and all at once the magic had died
I just need to accept, friends grow up and lovers will lie

Oh, I used to be James Dean, now it’s celebrity rehab hell
I swear that I could be amazing, I just need a little help

I’ve spent too many nights watching “How I Met Your Mother” alone
Now I’m searching for my yellow umbrella, hoping I’ll take her home
Maybe I just wanna be legendary
Yeah we all just wanna be legendary, oh

Da-da-da-ra-ra-ra-ra
Da-da-da-ra-ra-ra-ra
Da-da-da-ra-ra-ra-ra
Da-da-da-ra-ra-ra-ra
Da-da-da-ra-ra-ra-ra

(Used to be your knight in shining armor, and I’d rescue you from hell,
I swear that I could be amazing, I just need a little help)

I was your knight in shining armor, and I'd rescue you from hell
I swear that I could be amazing

I’ve spent too many nights watching “How I Met Your Mother” alone
Now I’m searching for my yellow umbrella, hoping I’ll take her home
Maybe I just wanna be legendary
Yeah we all wanna be legendary to somebody
Yeah to somebody, oh, oh.

His life was adventure. It felt like it and appeared like one as well. Growing up with watching Peter Pan every weekend, hearing the words, "Don't be afraid to die, 'cause it would be an awfully big adventure." And yet before the accident was afraid. He made the point of making the adventure big and awful. He took the risks to not do anything about it until realizing only later, that after the fire that nearly killed him. He faced it. He faced what had troubled him. He faced the one fear that he never really gotten over until he joined the fire academy. Going through the classes to become a fire fighter. Going through the training, surprising his self and everyone around him. The young man who had burn scars all over his body becoming a fire fighter. Not because he needed to face his fear of dying and of fire, but because he needed to prove to himself and everyone else what he was capable of. That's what he told everyone. That is what he's going to continue to tell them, it's not his real reason though. It's not the reason that made him get out of room after sulking in for so long after he had been released from the hospital. The real reason was because of Eloise. Because he couldn't get her out of there. Because she was the one who died and lost her life. While he had lived up to the words of Peter, he failed to take the notable knowledge that he held within him. He stopped believing in something because he felt lost and hopeless, he dropped his dreams of becoming a baseball playet, he dropped everything because he lost everything he had hoped for. And he realized, after watching Peter Pan by himself in his room at the age of 21/22 years old, he realized what he had done. He made the awfully big adventure. He had stopped believing, he was Eloise's knight in shining armor that had failed her and everyone else around. And Peter was the one to helped him realized what he was missing out on. The reason he needed to move forward and make something happen for him. It was the reason he joined up. Because he felt like he could make a difference, he felt like he could save people for Eloise's sake. For her is why he still does this. It's all for her, she is the reason he chose to become on the rescue squad of the fire department. To help save people, to make a difference with whatever he could do. All over her and nothing more. Of course he'll tell his friends and family otherwise, but only those who could ever figure out would wonder he didn't tell them in the first place. It's promise for Eloise as she lost her life when it should have been his, and he's living his life to the way that she would have wanted him to live it. To be the person that he was, to be the kind, the brave, the generous person she grew fond of and loved. Josef knew she would be proud of him. He knew that she was watching down on him and that she would always be his guardian angel just because. It was just a feeling that he had. The feeling of her always being with him no matter what the scenario was that was playing out before him. Whether it was him going through a burning house trying to locate people inside; jumping into frigid waters to rescue people who fell over board into the cold waters of New York in the dead of winter; or whether it's his lack of feeling that he knows better not to drink to fill the sorrow and mistery he has, but knowing she's always there. He knows better on some occasions, but it gets to the best of him, even if the feeling of not being alone gets the best of him, it's just not something that can be overcome unless there's something more to look for. What else can he do in the mean time? He's done all he can for her. And yet he's done nothing for himself in the long the run. He's just lost without anything to guide him or lead him to a point of desire that anyone would be happy to know he made it through to the happy ending he deserves.

There's a part of him where he feels like he should know better than to wallow in his sorrow and in his grief for the sake of it had been years since the accident and the scars are just reminders of it. Yet there's more to his story, more to the reason of his grief, his emptiness inside. It's unexplainable, as if he really doesn't know how to change it. It's like the feeling of not wanting to forget it. Not wanting to move forward from something that was great, but the downfall of it all just breaks his heart. The broken heart that lingers, but hasn't quite broken his heart, to the point of him dying because of the people in his life. The goal he set for himself in her memory. And keeping that away from his family was something he felt was in their best interest. They saw him as he saw fit. Still with some depression at home, as he mopes around the house. But elsewhere he's carefree and almost happy. And yet when he's alone, he goes to a dark place, not wanting to ask for anything. Not wanting to share anything that comes forward. It's feeling he can't shake, but he can't bring forward to talk about. He doesn't want to and he's not going to take the liberty to share it either. He doesn't was to shake the memories from their slumber to tell a therapist. He doesn't want to relive the grief, the pain, the undying attention that people gave him for his loss, for his inability to do anything, while everyone around him felt sorry for him. The pity became too much and it's not a feeling he wants to feel again. He doesn't need it, and yet he feels like if he brought any of it up he would go back to where he was at the beginning. To before he joined the fire department. And to have that feeling wasn't something he wanted again. It would bring him down, crush him and just ruin everything he worked for, and then people would just realize how truly broken Josef was on the inside. To see the real him, to see how much damage has actually been done to him because of the lost of his dreams and the lost of his girlfriend. The love of his life. Everything just being spilled, like spilled milk, flowing everywhere and anywhere. Having no end and having no stopping point.

He stared at his sister, watching her as she brought the baked goods forward. He hadn't answered her question yet, but she was fine to stay. He didn't have a clue when the bell would ring for them to go out and answer a call. It could be mere seconds to hours away. But she was more than welcomed to hang out with them, considering the other company had been inside probably watching tv or reading a book or something else to keep them busy. "You're more than welcomed to stay for awhile. Though I would advise you to not play a game with these guys. They've been cheating each other for an hour, " he smirked while making fun of his fellow squad members. He hid behind that smirk, he knew it wouldn't show what he was really feeling, but at the same time he wasn't feeling anything. It was emptiness within him. The feeling of nothing there, there just wasn't anything to feel right now for him. It was just blah. A sensation that was just lost, as if he was almost lost in thought, but he completely wasn't. Like he appeared to be happy that his sister showed up because she wasn't alone, but at the same time he felt nothing other wise. He felt like there just wasn't anything to look forward to. He hadn't made plans for after his shift ended the next morning, but like it was usual. But to see his sister now, he felt like he should just hang with her while he could. Knowing their schedules ran different hours of the days, even though after shift he would have two days off before starting again for the 24 hours shift he do again. But not even the baked goods at home was something that he looked forward to, but spending the time in the now was something he was going to do. To enjoy the time he could with his sister, while his co-workers cheated each other out while playing cards and pigging out on the baked goods that were brought to the table. "So in the long run, we are going to have lost of 'junk food' for a while in house that Vidar is just going keep snacking on." Josef and Jonas both, did this. Blamed Vidar for everything. Always blaming him for the food disappearing before your eyes, when in reality it was both of them doing it. Though there was little truth in their words, as Vidar was just as responsible for eating whatever there was in the house. He just never took the blame or the admitted to what he had done.

[googlefont="Yanone Kaffeesatz"]

1129 words

josef casper norling

outfit; ummm idk haha

GONNA SHUT THE WORLD OUT

she had always wondered if, perhaps, she had been adopted. it would make a lot of sense. she was nothing like her siblings. and she acquired very little traits from her parents. although, she supposed she took after her mom in terms of the facial features. she had often been told that she looked just like her mother when she was younger. almost like identical twins. and she supposed, to a certain extent, she did look quite a bit like her mother. however, that's as much as she had in common with her mother because nothing about their personalities were alike. even as a toddler, she had been the odd one out among her two other siblings. maybe it had to do with something with the water when her mom was pregnant with her. she was the first child born outside of sweden. most likely not though as jonas had been born in maine as well. but maybe it was just that she got the interesting genes out of the four of them. she wasn't the perfect golden child like gry, she wasn't the star athlete like josef, and she most certainly wasn't a child genius like jonas. as freya liked to tell herself, she wasn't boring like her siblings. she was spunky and different. not just from the norling siblings, but also from everyone else. she was fearless and curious. she was constantly looking for an adventure and would try just about anything. she never cared much for consequences (before her nursing days, of course), and was quite careless with herself. she was not an inside the box kind of person. wasn't meant for the picture perfect family so many people saw the norlings as even though they were anything but. gry was annoyingly stuck up, josef was trapped in a heartbroken mess, and jonas was just so inside his own shell that he wouldn't understand the term social if it hit him in the head. sometimes she thought maybe she was the normal one. it wasn't that she was different, it was her siblings that didn't fit in. although, it sure didn't feel like it. in high school, people could never tac her to a stereotype. she wasn't popular although everyone knew her, she wasn't a jock/jockette even though she certainly played sports, she wasn't gothic despite her obsession with wearing black clothes, she wasn't a drama geek even though she's done a few school plays, and she most definitely wasn't a nerd even though she got a's. she wasn't a popular because the actual popular girls hated her with a passion. she wasn't a jockette because it wasn't the only thing she did. despite her obsession with black clothes, that didn't mean she fit the criteria of a goth. she wasn't a drama geek because she only participated in a few plays and not all. and even though she got all a's, she didn't actually know everything despite popular belief. freya studied hard, but she wasn't born smart like jonas. she was born studious. there was a difference.

but after recent events, she thought that maybe she should be more like her siblings and less like herself. maybe if she was more like her older sister, none of it would have happened. she wouldn't have been reckless and went to the party. if she was more like gry, maybe she would be able to tell that connor was a complete a-hole right from the start. if only she hadn't went to the party. if only she hadn't started dating connor. if only she had just listened to her gut feeling, then maybe she wouldn't be here, in new york city, pregnant, alone, and scared shitless. she had no idea what she was going to do with the baby. was she even going to keep it? did she have the heart to get an abortion? no, she knew she wouldn't be able to get an abortion. couldn't bear the thought of killing the growing life form inside her tummy. she would go through the full pregnancy. but it wasn't the baby that scared her the most. it's the not knowing. the lack of knowledge in who the father was. there was no way she would know until the baby came. and when that happened, was she going to get a paternal test? who would she put on the kid's birth certificate? did it matter? probably not, but it would if one of them found out she had a kid and they wanted to get custody. freya has seen enough cases to know that the father would always want to know eventually. they would want custody. even through her freak out and stress, she was still able to remain practical. thinking about all possible outcomes. because she needed to be ready. she needed to prepare herself for the worst. that's what she did as a living, prepared for the worst. always made sure she's covered all bases. first thing first though, she had to figure out whether she was going to put her baby into an orphanage, find a couple who couldn't get pregnant but want a kid or if she was going to raise it all by herself. and when that was decided, she would figure out whether she would let the possible fathers know about the baby. possible fathers. the idea of there being even more than one father was almost laughable. except…. freya wanted to do anything but laugh. how could this happen? how could she let this happen. she scoffed in her head. she hadn't let it happen. it had been against her consent. but she couldn't tell anyone. she couldn't tell her brothers or the rest of her family. freya fought back the tears as she glanced at josef and then at the group of guys. she smiled before letting a small chuckle,  "i'd say good luck in trying to cheat me of anything. i'm really good at reading people and paying attention to details." it was part of the job description. except, of course, it would have been nice for her skill at reading people to work with connor. unknowingly, or maybe out of habit these days, she placed a hand on her tummy. any time she thought about her situation, her hand just automatically went there. maybe it was her need to protect the thing. shield it from the big bad world. she rolled her eyes at her brother, "you offend me. please, these are organic and healthy. and stop blaming vidar for everything just because he's most likely the culprit." not that she was defending her uncle. she was just trying to be fair. "and anyway, there are healthy food in the fridge. you guys just don't touch it." 

x

tag: freya viola norling words: 1267 notes: post is sucky

♥♥♥

As hours move to minutes And minutes take longer to break I will be desperately awaiting When my tongue won't fall apart And we've been sitting here for hours All alone and in the dark So let me think of how to word it Is it too soon to say 'perfect'? If I could find another thirty minutes somewhere I'm sure everything would find me All that's left is just to sing I'll be here by the ocean Just waiting for proof that there's sunsets and silhouette dreams All my sand castles fall like the ashes of cigarettes And every wave drags me to sea I could stand here for hours Just to ask God the question, "Is everyone here make-believe?" With a tear in His voice, He says, "Son, that's the question." Does this deafening silence mean nothing to no one but me? And if you sing to me sweet until then I may never sail Virginia again. And as this current moves slow for me This much you must know: we'll meet again And I'll have you know

I'm scared to death

He couldn't quite understand how some things worked out, more so how things just sorted happened. It was as if they were just suppose to be, as if the force of willpower in the world lead him to different aspects of his life that he needed to go through to experience the ups and down. Not saying that they were all going to be filled with green grassy fields full of colorful flowers with bunnies hopping around, but case in point it had seemed he lead a life that he was not really expecting. He didn't expect to have it turned upside down. He expected to finish college and go onto the big leagues playing baseball, he really didn't care what team he went to, just that he was playing a support he enjoyed so much. And yet now he was a fire fighter, lieutenant in fact. Many probably would have wondered if his very close encounter with fire was the reasoning behind all of that. It could very likely be so, but there are others cases with that. He could have chose to be anything else if he really wanted. He chose to be a fire fighter because well, he didn't care what others thought of him. He didn't care about the burn scars that he's just now starting to get use to, he didn't care what it had to take to get him to where he is now. It may still be a hard road ahead of him, but isn't everything.

Josef always wondered what life would have been liked if things were different though. Would he had been already married with children on the way, like Gry? Or would he still be trying to concentrate on a career in the MLB. Would him and Eloise have been happy living in Brunswick, Maine or would they have moved elsewhere in the states, to get out of the hometown they grew up in? He didn't have a clue of what he wanted to do. He had always wanted to start a family of his own, but that was with Eloise, but now it seemed like it was lost cause. He couldn't even get over her, so how was he going to open his heart up to someone new? Only time could tell, was that even right? Could it even make a difference for him to move forward if he just opened his heart up and released all the pain, the grief and sorrow that he had built up over the years just seemed to still linger. Its bad enough when he realizes what he doesn't have any more and what he could have if bothered to try. Josef always wonders how anyone can manage to do anything correct in their life. Looking at Gry and all he sees is that she's perfect. She has a family of her own, she has someone to love and two perfectly healthy children with another one on the way. And then he looks at himself, alone and miserable. He puts on a mask to hide his trueself to appear calm and collected in public, to have his head screwed on tight, but at home and around family it seems different. He's different. He looks at Freya and he sees a girl who is determined at life, he doesn't know her wrongs or what she worries about because he doesn't ask. He's too consumed up into his own tales to even make a difference to wonder what she's up to. He looks at Jonas and sees a kid who just lost in the world without family. Someone who relies on his books and studies. Doesn't even have friends, and usually calls Vidar to school to help get out of something because he knows if Jonas asked him he would be answering and asking so many questions. Which is correct, but at the same time, its like it doesn't even seem worth. He's suppose to be the big brother to both Freya and Jonas, to make sure they are alright, to make sure they are doing fine as they are under his roof, with the exception of Vidar just hanging out. He's the one who is suppose to get involved in their lives, and he's too self involved in his own to even realize what's going on. Las Vegas had been different, where he could have gotten help and which he started too, but here in New York it changed. He didn't go through the pages to look for a new therapist, it didn't happen and it probably never will. Not again, not any more. He knew what he was at fault for, but one of these days, he felt like Vidar would force him to go look. To find someone to talk to, to help him get through that wasn't family. Someone that would be able to give him advice and push him into the right direction, but today wasn't going to be one of those days, or any of the following days to come.

Josef stared at his sister, more out of habit of just looking at her and having a feeling that something was up with her. He smirked at her comment of being really good at reading people. If only she really could do that to him. Yet he knew she could, but he felt like she couldn't do it all the time. At least not here, he hid his self too well, none of his co-workers could tell what was wrong with him at home and behind closed walls. They couldn't tell that he was starting to become an alcoholic, a sad drunk that only stayed indoors to fall asleep on the couch with a broken heart and be a complete wreck. That was at home, but here at the fire house he was different. Its a completely different surrounding, it's something that's not tainted with family drama and life issues that lingers about. It's about the aspect of helping people and getting through shifts with everyone still in tact where they don't have to tell their loved ones they didn't make it. Josef continued to stare at his sister, he noticed her hand going onto her stomach, but didn't think much about it. He just had other things on his mind to even clue in why should be doing in it in the first place besides just fixing her shirt or something else. "But you know it's true. To blame Vidar is the easiest thing to do. You do the same thing if you could, all because he's the least likely one to actually do it, but he's never in the room to get blamed." Josef knew better than to blame his uncle at times, but it had always seemed like the likely idea to blame him for the sake that it was easier on all of them and Vidar knew that. He could tell that things just different for all of them, he was there for the moral support, to make sure all of them were well taken care of and that they weren't too far off the deep end. "What you say as healthy food is something that's completely different from my definition of healthy food." They guys couldn't help but laugh and agree with him. As there was many different things that could have been considered healthy to him, it was just how he took things to be different. He wasn't into that health food craze, he ate what he knew to be at least healthy to him and take it in stride.

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