Post by ivy nora crane on Mar 22, 2015 12:26:10 GMT -5
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ivy nora crane
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you never liked to share, ever. since you were born you were forced to share everything - a room, birthdays, pets, friends, everything. you hated it, you hated her. you didn't ask to be born a twin and you sure as hell didn't ask to be the younger twin, nor the one who got the lesser amount of the attention that your parents were able to give the both of you. you remember writing about how much you hated her in the diary you got when you were ten - a diary that you still have and write your thoughts in every now and then. you remember when you were twelve when you pushed her onto the ground and into the dirt. she said she forgave you for that, you wouldn't have. you haven't forgiven her for being the attention whore that you think she is, what with her self harm and suicide attempts. you don't feel sorry for her, you loath her because of it. it doesn't bother you that you feel that way but whenever you voice these feelings someone tells you that you're a bad person, you don't care. there was a point that you did care about her though, before the age seven you and her were inseparable, but that was before she told you mother that you hit her and pulled her hair then took her toy. you will never forget and some people say that you need to let it go, it was thirteen years ago that you were just kids, but you won't forget, it was only the start.
you're scared to commit to anything, especially a relationship. you're only twenty, you don't need to worry about those things, yet you do. letting someone in to your life in that capacity frightens you, you did it once and you know how that turned out - you were tossed aside the moment he was bored with you. you don't want that to happen again, the thought that it could happen again scares the shit out of you so you don't let potential relationships happen. you also rarely let friends in, sometimes you feel like you don't have friends who care for you because a lot of the time you don't care for them. but you're not a bitch, you care about people but you care about yourself a lot more. to let someone in you have to really care about them, there has to be something special about them - when it comes to picking someone to share your life with you really care about who they are, what they do and how they treat you and those around you. and when you do let them in you don't let them go, easily. you hold them close, sometimes you can be overbearing, clingy even but you feel like you can't help it. there are few people in your life that have the privilege of knowing you to that extent and you won't lose them without a fight. you appreciate the patience it takes to get to know you properly, you know you can be difficult and annoying and those that put up with that you hold in high regard. you always look out for those you care for.
you feel it sometimes. it is not nearly as bad as it is for your sister but it's there and you know it. you won't tell anyone, you don't feel like it's worth the time. anyway, it only shows once every now and then - up until recently that is. the past few months have been bad, you have been stressed out with college, you are in your second year and it's proving to be a little more difficult than you realised. the stress is making you second guess yourself and loose the faith that you once had plentiful amounts of in yourself. you see someone once a week to talk about it, you won't let anyone know this, you feel like it's a sign of weakness and you are the strong one, weakness is not something you want to be known for. you are the strong one, you are the one who came out on top of the crap that high school put you through. you are strong.
you were fifteen when you met him, he was the most beautiful thing you had ever seen. you talked to him, he talked back, for you it was the best thing that could have happened at the time. you soon fell for him and when he asked you to be his girlfriend you didn't even think before you said yes. you spent a good two months together before you gave him your virginity, you wanted to feel ready and he respected that, you loved that about him. you told him that you loved him right before it happened, he said it right back. three months later he broke up with you, told you that he just wasn't feeling it any more. the next day you saw him with another girl. it broke your heart and you have been hesitant to love again. of course you have, but it never turned out well. you gave up on love but you learned how easy it is to manipulate someone into helping you out.
you can be difficult, you can be annoying but more of all you can be mean. people were mean to you once, but you got through that and learned that if you were mean then people were less likely to be mean to you. you liked that, you still do. you can be god awful, you have used things against people that you shouldn't have. someone once told you that you could be a good lawyer, you considered that for a week and then decided your love for fashion was a better route for you. you have brought people to tears with your words and most of the time you feel bad for it, but you also feel that they deserved it, they were annoying you, they made the wrong comment about you so you took them down. you can be very harsh.
smashed into pieces
"no, i won't let it go"
you never liked to share, ever. since you were born you were forced to share everything - a room, birthdays, pets, friends, everything. you hated it, you hated her. you didn't ask to be born a twin and you sure as hell didn't ask to be the younger twin, nor the one who got the lesser amount of the attention that your parents were able to give the both of you. you remember writing about how much you hated her in the diary you got when you were ten - a diary that you still have and write your thoughts in every now and then. you remember when you were twelve when you pushed her onto the ground and into the dirt. she said she forgave you for that, you wouldn't have. you haven't forgiven her for being the attention whore that you think she is, what with her self harm and suicide attempts. you don't feel sorry for her, you loath her because of it. it doesn't bother you that you feel that way but whenever you voice these feelings someone tells you that you're a bad person, you don't care. there was a point that you did care about her though, before the age seven you and her were inseparable, but that was before she told you mother that you hit her and pulled her hair then took her toy. you will never forget and some people say that you need to let it go, it was thirteen years ago that you were just kids, but you won't forget, it was only the start.
red light pledge
"promise me you will stay here"
you're scared to commit to anything, especially a relationship. you're only twenty, you don't need to worry about those things, yet you do. letting someone in to your life in that capacity frightens you, you did it once and you know how that turned out - you were tossed aside the moment he was bored with you. you don't want that to happen again, the thought that it could happen again scares the shit out of you so you don't let potential relationships happen. you also rarely let friends in, sometimes you feel like you don't have friends who care for you because a lot of the time you don't care for them. but you're not a bitch, you care about people but you care about yourself a lot more. to let someone in you have to really care about them, there has to be something special about them - when it comes to picking someone to share your life with you really care about who they are, what they do and how they treat you and those around you. and when you do let them in you don't let them go, easily. you hold them close, sometimes you can be overbearing, clingy even but you feel like you can't help it. there are few people in your life that have the privilege of knowing you to that extent and you won't lose them without a fight. you appreciate the patience it takes to get to know you properly, you know you can be difficult and annoying and those that put up with that you hold in high regard. you always look out for those you care for.
giving up
"the sun has left my sky"
you feel it sometimes. it is not nearly as bad as it is for your sister but it's there and you know it. you won't tell anyone, you don't feel like it's worth the time. anyway, it only shows once every now and then - up until recently that is. the past few months have been bad, you have been stressed out with college, you are in your second year and it's proving to be a little more difficult than you realised. the stress is making you second guess yourself and loose the faith that you once had plentiful amounts of in yourself. you see someone once a week to talk about it, you won't let anyone know this, you feel like it's a sign of weakness and you are the strong one, weakness is not something you want to be known for. you are the strong one, you are the one who came out on top of the crap that high school put you through. you are strong.
november
"it broke my heart"
you were fifteen when you met him, he was the most beautiful thing you had ever seen. you talked to him, he talked back, for you it was the best thing that could have happened at the time. you soon fell for him and when he asked you to be his girlfriend you didn't even think before you said yes. you spent a good two months together before you gave him your virginity, you wanted to feel ready and he respected that, you loved that about him. you told him that you loved him right before it happened, he said it right back. three months later he broke up with you, told you that he just wasn't feeling it any more. the next day you saw him with another girl. it broke your heart and you have been hesitant to love again. of course you have, but it never turned out well. you gave up on love but you learned how easy it is to manipulate someone into helping you out.
last days of summer
"when the shadows beam, misery remains"
you can be difficult, you can be annoying but more of all you can be mean. people were mean to you once, but you got through that and learned that if you were mean then people were less likely to be mean to you. you liked that, you still do. you can be god awful, you have used things against people that you shouldn't have. someone once told you that you could be a good lawyer, you considered that for a week and then decided your love for fashion was a better route for you. you have brought people to tears with your words and most of the time you feel bad for it, but you also feel that they deserved it, they were annoying you, they made the wrong comment about you so you took them down. you can be very harsh.
hayley williams - college student - WRITTEN BY hayley